To all the women out there who want to be Moms,
When you’re struggling to have a baby of your own, there are few days more challenging than Mother’s Day. I completely understand what you’re going through because I’ve been in your shoes.
Dealing with infertility can be even harder when you don’t know why this is happening. I get it. It took four years for me to get answers. Four years after my first miscarriage before I finally learned what was causing my fertility problem, thanks to a great doctor.
For me, getting pregnant wasn’t so much the issue, rather, it was staying pregnant. I suffered miscarriage after miscarriage, and it took an immense toll on my body, mind, and relationship with my husband. Each time I got pregnant, although I was excited and hopeful, I was also overcome with anxiety and fear. Would I miscarry yet again? Usually, the answer was yes.
Today, I’m the happy mother of two amazing daughters. But I haven’t forgotten the pain of those four years, and I don’t think I ever will.
You probably feel frustrated, alone, envious. Angry with your body for failing you in this way. Mad at the world for dealing you this unfair hand. Questioning everything and wondering if this is somehow your fault (it’s not). And above all, sadness and grief for what you want so dearly but don’t have. However, you’re feeling is totally valid.
Perhaps everyone around you is popping out babies left and right while you’re confronted with negative pregnancy tests month after month. Each pregnancy announcement, invitation to a baby-related event, or social media post of whatever cute/funny thing your friend’s baby did that day feels like a stab in the back.
I know it may feel like you’re the only one going through this, but I’m here to tell you that you’re not. Infertility is a lot more common than people realize: 1 in 7 couples and 186 million individuals around the world have difficulty getting pregnant.
Friends and family may not know what to do or say to help you through this difficult situation. Perhaps you’ve been told to “just relax” or “it’ll happen naturally once you stop stressing so much!”
Here’s some advice of the things that helped me get through this time, and especially the extra tough days like Mother’s Day, that I’d like to share with you:
Prioritize your mental wellbeing above all else. Say no when you don’t feel up to attending baby-related events (and don’t feel bad about it, you have every right to do so). Ask yourself: What activities give you strength and energy? And make time to do just that.
Yoga and meditation:
Infertility has you constantly worrying about the future. Mindfulness helps bring your thoughts back to the present moment. Reflect on the things that are going well in your life right now, and practice gratitude for them. Remember that you are more than your fertility struggle – this doesn’t define you.
Finding others who are going through the same thing as you are is a wonderful comfort. Friends and family, although well-intentioned, can find it hard to support you in the way that you need if they’ve never experienced infertility themselves. There are lots of in-person and online groups out there where women just like you come together to lift each other up through this difficult time.
Specialized medical care:
If you, like me, have suffered more than one miscarriage, look for a doctor who is specialized in pregnancy loss and knows which tests to conduct. Recurrent miscarriages are often due to an underlying medical condition that can be diagnosed and treated – don’t accept it if a doctor tells you that it’s just bad luck!
I hope this letter has provided you with some comfort on this day. And a reminder that Mother’s Day is for you too. Take care and treat yourself to whatever can help you make it through.
Silvia and the rest of the LEVY Health team
P.S. Since 2013, I’ve made it my life’s work to help women just like you and me. I completed training to become a certified fertility coach and recently co-founded LEVY Health to give women answers on why they haven’t been able to conceive and save time and money on their fertility journey. If you’re interested in finding out more, take a look at our blog article on the LEVY Fertility Code or drop us a line at [email protected]. We would be happy to talk to you about your current situation and how we can help.
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